Luckiest. Baby. Ever.

The world needs more Good Samaritans like Salma Hayek.

And it would no doubt be a better place with more world class boobies.  Bravo Salma.

Room 5051

As much as I love boobies in the face, sometimes you just aren’t in the mood to drop $20 for a minute and a half cock tease. My buddy (let’s call him Voltron) and I came up with the following one-liners to send those money grubbing, boobalicious, dead-behind-the-eyes whores on their way:

• we just got here
• we just ate
• we’re not drunk enough
• we’re waiting for someone
• wouldn’t be good for your business to stick around
• you’re not my type
• if you had a penis, it would be on
• your girlfriends kidnapped our buddy
• we’re gay
• I’d be careful, I cum easily
• seeing you naked might ruin it
• I’m on my way out

INTRODUCING GUEST BLOGGER, VOLTRON:

Poor white trash doesn’t like paying $7 for a beer in the casino. I mean, don’t get me wrong. There is a time and place for overpriced beverages, but when the hotel ice is free and one doesn’t foresee the need to use the sink for the next few hours, why not economize? Listen, its not something I am proud of, but at least I didn’t buy Miller Lite. I would just drink straight from the toilet if I decided to go that route.

Toodles – Voltron

Special thanks to the Bellagio, Scores, Smith & Wollensky’s and Walgreens.
P.S. Maybe next time, Ashlee. (I’m guessing she spells it with two e’s…)